Yesterday, I started getting calls for... eh, let's call him Bradley. I don't actually want to destroy his life or anything. Anyway, phone going nuts, calls, texts, all from mortgage companies looking for... (not his real name) Bradley Spellman. Dozens of calls and texts. While I'm answering one, call waiting chimes in with another.
This has happened before. Two or three years ago, same deal: Bradley Spellman, mortgage companies. Once... maybe it was a mistake. Maybe he fat-fingered my number instead of his own on the loan application, because it's one digit off or something. Last time, I sighed and spent a week or two asking people to take me off their call list, until the calls stopped. Twice, though?
In my defense, I was (I am) angry, and I want it to stop. But I do find myself, at this point, wondering where the line is between gentle deterrence and possibly-evil stalking.
At first, I hung up on them, told them it was a wrong number. Asked them to remove me from their call list. This seemed inadequate. So I started talking to them. I used my super-nice sexy telephone voice. Yes I have one. It is super handy for navigating bureaucratic telephone jungles-- an activity I do not enjoy, but which I excel at. I did not lie to them.
Me: Hello?
Caller: Is this Bradley Spellman?
Me: Who's calling?
Caller: XYZ Super Mortgage
Me: Oh! I'm not Bradley, but I've been trying to get in touch with him! I wonder if you can help me-- this is not his number, but do you have an address, or an email or something I might use to contact him?
The first two actually cared about their jobs and demurred. No, we can't give out information. Third try was the charm. I got a street address.
It is way easier to extract personal information from strangers on the phone than I expected!
I looked up the street address on google maps. Bradley lives in the same neighborhood I grew up in. Just a few blocks from my parents. Wow that presents some tempting possibilities.
Let's not do anything illegal though. And... what if he used a fake address as well as a fake phone number?
That's easy enough to answer. I've been trying to buy a house (unsuccessfully) for like four years now. I have amassed some useful real-estate research tools. 40 seconds to find the owner of the property at that address... and sure enough it is Bradley Spellman. And now I know that he took out a mortgage for $150k to buy that house in... roughly the same timeframe as the last deluge of calls from sketchy mortgage companies.
So I'm like 99% sure I've got the right guy, now. I look him up on Facebook. His FB page literally has a picture OF HIS HOUSE (which I crosschecked with the real estate site and google maps just to be sure) in the header. Not the brightest bulb in the box. It also links to his business FB page. Where I collected the phone number for his company.
I now have this guy's full name (first middle and last), his home address, his business info, the name of his spouse, I know when he bought his house and the amount of his mortgage, I know it was a VA loan so he's probably been in the military, I know his maiden name (yeah, he's married to a dude and changed his name. Does that make it a bachelor name?), I know his age (about a year older than me, so... not local or I'd know his name-- military would explain that), and I know that he's applied for a mortgage when he's already got a pretty hefty one. That's curious. There's no way he's going to refi now and get a better rate than 3 years ago, with a 30yr VA loan. Is he looking to buy a second house? Divorce in the works? Real estate investing? Fraud?
I could have checked the local court records. But I didn't.
So far, I've just got a stack of easily-accessible information. Possibly, it is an ethical gray area to ask phone reps for information they are not supposed to divulge.
Here's where it gets a bit dicey though. I DMed him through his FB page (no, I do not use my realname on FB, nor do I friend anybody-- it's for accessing marketplace and stuff) like: Hi Bradley, please stop using my phone number to apply for loans. I am getting a gazillion phone calls from mortgage companies now, this is the second time it's happened so I don't think it's an accident anymore, and maybe next time you need a dummy phone number just do a quick google search for "fake phone numbers to give to men you're not interested in" or just use a 555 number like in the movies or something.
Probably still OK, but... I'm really really annoyed at this point. My phone is still ringing every ten minutes. This doesn't feel as cathartic as I'd hoped. I hop over to the public part of his page and leave a comment on the top post: Hey Bradley, stop using my phone number for loan applications. Why are you using a fake number to apply for loans, when you've already got a mortgage anyway? Is this some kind of fraud?
And then, I copied down his work phone number.
He blocked me on FB of course. Anyone would.
But I still have his work number, and now, every time I answer a call for Bradley it goes like this:
Caller: Is this Mrs. Spellman?
Me: Oh, are you looking for Bradley?
Caller: Yes
Me: He's not here, let me give you his work number (reads off work number).
Caller: Thank you, have a nice day!
Me: You too!
There's a tally card on my desk. I've given ten callers his work number now.
I didn't lie or tell anyone that I was Mrs. Spellman. But I did let them assume it. Arguably, I am being super helpful, assuming it was an honest mistake, and redirecting calls *he signed up for* to a number where he might be reachable.
Arguably.
Not honestly, though. I definitely want him to be as annoyed by the people calling *my number* (which he's so free about using) as I am. It's not exactly Christian charity. I'll probably be hashing this one out in confession next week.
But the thing is, my phone is still ringing. I'm up to eleven tickmarks now. Nine of those have been in the last hour. I don't even get a tickmark for the
three four calls that came in while I was typing this, that never connected to a rep.
Sigh.
Asking nicely went whizzing by yesterday. Where do we cross over from "make the point so it never happens again" to "triggering retaliation"? Bradley doesn't know me. Did he accidentally fat-finger my phone number on a loan application
twice, by accident? Or is my phone number just his go-to "fake" number when he has to enter a number to complete the form, but doesn't want to get spammed by every mortgage lender in the universe? Maybe he's just dumb and it never occurred to him that the number he randomly made up, actually belonged to someone, and that he was signing that someone up for 50,000 spam phone calls and texts. Wherever the dividing line is between "make sure he gets the message that this is not OK" and "Revenge" I'm pretty sure we're past that.
Should probably stop.
But... the phone is ringing again. Dang.
EDIT:
Perhaps eleven is enough to get the point across. I admit I'm still tempted to drop a friendly postcard just to let him know that I know where he lives. That would... not be nice. I should resist that temptation. Dang.
Possibly, for the next couple of weeks of frustrating phone calls...
this guy might have a better approach. It's not their fault someone gave them my number, and I'm not the person they're trying to reach. This thing became unstoppable as soon as Bradley clicked "submit" on that application. There is nothing he can do about it now. It's out of his hands. I just need him to never do it again. So... what's the right response to the dozens of mortgage reps who are still going to call me? Perhaps, as the fellow in the link suggests, this is a God-sent opportunity to practice low-pressure social engagement and soft evangelism. How many people have we shared the Gospel with? Are we good at establishing a social rapport with strangers? How often do we share the love of God with people we just met? Do we need more practice at it?
UPDATE:
Well, it turns out evangelism *is* a better tactic. Particularly now that the damage is already done, and there's no way to avoid the next 100 unsolicited phone calls. The God Loves Telemarketers guy is right: it's good practice. The last lady even agreed to let me pray with her. And no joke-- I totally sincerely asked for God's blessing on her. So.
Two weeks to go. Let's see if we can keep it up!
UPDATE:
33 phone calls today, including a dozen where the autodial failed to connect to a representative.
On the plus side, praying with total strangers is losing its weirdness.
On the minus side, it's fairly exhausting. So far I've only gotten one hostile though.
Right now: researching how to change my voicemail message to "Hi, I'm not Bradley and I don't know him: please take me off your call list", so I can just turn off my phone for a week.